[ 15 June 2016 – 9th Ramadhawn 1437 ]
Indeed to our Lord do we belong & unto him is our final return
“Is this for real?”
“How? What happened?”
I hear mom utter in a tone of disbelief
Immediately it struck & I zoned out as the sad news riveted my entire being..
Mom came into the room few minutes later to see if I’m awake 🕟
“Kay, momma passed on” 💔
Dad’s mom passed on when I was 3 so I do not remember anything except all the good that I hear.. May peace be upon her beautiful soul.
Mom’s mom is the only grandma I knew.. One who lived with us, took care of us & lead life by example.
I reiterate the words of a poet who sung in praise of his deceased grandma:
“Certainly the tale of her life became widespread at her demise
Each one remembered her with the best of qualities
We are not over praising my grandma
It suffices that god knows everything is true
How splendid! Are those who die yet there rememberance remains alive forever
I take an oath, that is the best life”
[ Extracted from my diary… A tribute I wrote to momma sometime later after she passed on ]
DEAREST MOMMA IN HEAVEN:
Words fail to do describe how much I miss & yearn for your presence.
Regardless of the time that passes by, Remembering you, often makes me cry
Your legacy remains alive in my heart always.
Although you passed on 18 months ago, the memories are fresh & strong. It feels as if though you departed yesterday.
Your personality & characteristics were of such a high caliber – one that remains embedded firmly in our minds, hearts & as we go about our daily lives.
Not a day goes by where I do not think of you at some point or time.
I remember your witty nature & the sharp answers you had to peoples comments & questions.
You were always one ahead.
You cooked tentalizing, mouth watering meals. When returning home from school famished, I knew a delicious meal would be waiting, hot & ready.
You took an interest in my studies & actively involved yourself in my life.
You taught me to aim for big goals
You taught me confidence
You told me not to hold back from achieving my aspirations
You were not just a grandma or “an older lady”, but a wise, loving friend & confidante.
You showered us with love, affection, time & care, not only gifts & items.
You were considerate & spared a thought for all.. Selfishness did not exist in your dictionary.
As a child, as a sister, as a wife, as a mother, as a grandmother, no duty was neglected or fulfilled half heartedly.
As a mother in law to your son in laws, you were a woman held in high esteem & everything dad says, speaks volumes of your personality.
Your responsibilities were fulfilled sincerely.
Your extreme generosity was an outstanding quality to which all bear testimony.
No one left your home without something in their hand. It did not have to be anything big.. It was the little things that counted because of the thoughtfulness & kindness behind it.
Whether it be a loaf of bread, a few biscuits, a few cupcakes or slices of cake, leftover food from the same days freshly cooked meal, a slab of chocolate, a few sweets or a few notes of money.. Whoever came to your home never stepped out empty handed.
Whatever you made, whatever you bought, whatever was given.. You always shared with those around you.
You took out special time to care for the under privileged & the manner in which you helped your neighbours daily was extraordinary.
Race, creed or religion made no difference.. You bore no racism.. In your eyes everyone remained equal.
Anyone in need knew very well who’s door to tap on. Time did not matter.. They knew your door would not stay closed or be shut in their faces.
Your helping hand remained outstretched until the very end.
You distanced yourself completely from corruption.
Your tongue was so pure.. You spoke not, a word of gossip nor involved yourself in matters not pertaining to your life.
You had a unique polite, kind manner of addressing people.. Be it a relative or stranger.
Your chastity was admirable & remarkable!
You remained humble not possessing an iota of pride or arrogance.
Even though you often related to us your life as a younger lady & that you resembled a “film star” 😂, it was not said out of austentation, rather in a grateful manner.
I recall how you always stated: “Why don’t you become a Dr?”
I clearly recall how all who saw you praised your beauty but the answer recieved in return was:
“The light you see on my face is from the heart 💖 Whatever is stored in the heart will reflect onto the face. If your heart is clean & good, things will go well for you.. If not, nothing will come right”
You were a fast, hardworking, intelligent, & successful business woman. Despite that, the words we repeatedly heard were:
“What is money?? Money is nothing. Ask me! I made lots of money in my days but in the end none of it accompanies you when you depart from the world. What goes with is the reward of all the different good deeds, so do plenty of those”
An advice you often shared: “Pray properly & pray on time. It will secure the blessings needed in life”
Time was not wasted & you took full advantage of it by doing every good you could.
No matter what stage of life you underwent, these qualities shone brightly:
During the last 5 years of your life with partial alzh made you even “cuter” & you were such a wonderful being to take care of.. Oh momma! If only I had more time to spend in your service.
Every little necessity we assisted you with was always a pleasure because of the many heartfelt prayers recieved in return.
Momma.. You were a role model of a marvelous kind! Words honestly fail to do justice to your life.
Since I was diagnosed with heart failure, I cannot sleep flat, I experience severe shortness of breath, I cough up lots of fluid, I tire easily with the minutest of tasks.. These are a few of the symptoms. Your remembrance makes it way to mind over & over again as I deal with all this.
It is only now that I fully understand the challenges you faced during the last 6 years of your life with Congestive Heart Failure ( CHF )
Yours took years, mine’s took few months to progress rapidly reaching stage 3.
I ponder over the level of patience you exercised. During that period we never heard one complaint leaving your lips & this is no exegeration! We only heard you expressing gratitude for the many other countless bounties.
When asked how are you feeling? The reply recieved was: “What is there to complain about? There’s always a pain here & there but I express gratitude to my lord that I can see this day & do good”
When this verse played: “Thus, which of your lords favors can you deny?” With tears in your eyes you’d say “nothing at all”
Being in your presence was uplifting to the mind & soul. Moments were brightened. Laughter was shared.. All these beautiful memories form a treasure box stored away in the recesses of my 💝
You departed from this world in silence & palpable serenity..
An epitome of “resting in peace”
How I continously & fervently prayed to be at your side during those last few moments but Alas! God alone knows best why it was not destined to be.
Your name Aa’ishah meaning “one who is blessed with a long life”. Likewise the effect. You lived for a period of 93 years on this earth.
The minute my gaze fell upon your lifeless body that sorrowful yet blessed day, I wept bitterly.. My body shook with grief.. You were the first closest & dearest family member I lost.
As I gently kissed your forehead for the last time my heart silently pleaded “momma please don’t leave us” as much as I knew nothing would change.
I dreamt of you twice after your demise & this one felt unbelievably real..
One night while in extreme pain I dozed off to sleep & dreamt I was standing next to your grave.. A cool breeze emanated from within encompassing the surrounding area.. As it enveloped me I felt a complete sense of peace flow through my body. Then I turned to mom & dad stating “this breeze is wondrous. I can actually feel my pain being removed with it” saying that I awoke painless for a while thereafter.
I guess that was meant to give me a tiny glimpse of the peace you are in & how all pain terminates one day.
I try my best to emulate the gigantic example you portrayed not only during good health but illness as well, & hope I succeed in doing so.
You may be gone from my sight but you will leave my heart. I may not be able to see your face but I will forever see your pleasantness. I may not hear your voice again but it will forever echo in my ears.
The same poet mentioned earlier, sings these couplets separately:
Oh the one who was the coolness of my eyes
Oh my grandmother
The patience exercised during the trials you were afflicted with will exalt your rank
Due to which your Lord will provide for you rest upon recliners where there will be no noise or turmoil
You will walk in gardens of eternity quenching all desires
There will be no illness or resemblance to suffering
Your hands will pick from trees laden with fruit
Specially offered to those who were patient when calamity struck.
Farewells are not the end.
They simply mean I will miss you until we are reunited in Paradise. To rejoice forever with no seperation thereafter 💖💙
( Here is the link to the arabic song )
Mix – أنشودة يا جدتي واميمتي:عبد الله المهداوي: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vh8whtZ_lc&list=RD8vh8whtZ_lc______________________________________
From the onset my condition progressed rapidly due to the effects the wrong medicine created in trying to change my bodies normal manner of working (homeostasis)
But as is the nature with chronic illness, any kind of worry, stress, tension, shock or trauma worsens it.
Eleven days later.. My next few organs became dysfunctional..
An entity we are dependent on for survival became my greatest enemy…