[ 18TH APRIL 2016 ]
“Fate fortifies faith”
Are 3 words of acuity which capsulize my experiences as the previous Wednesday evening marked 2 years..
Of what I thought to be
[ DECISIVE HOURS OF DARKNESS ]
Ramadhaan (fasting month) was approaching like it is now & I wanted to make my own savouries from beginning to end.
Two weeks ago I learnt how to make samoosas, now it was time to do it all by myself..
What is a samoosa? Someone might inquire? If you don’t know, google search & Wikipedia will provide a detailed explanation 😂😂😂
The kitchen is an adventurous place. It’s enjoyable putting a variety of ingredients together, then seeing the outcome.
What’s more awesome is knowing; the good work people perform as a result of gaining strength from the food cooked, grants an additional share of reward 😀
That morning I awoke early but my body felt oddly heavy.
Being a person accustomed to pushing through migraines, I got out & trudged myself along.. working on the days plans.
1 pm – done with the filling..
By then, my legs felt as if it were made of cement, sore & tired.
I plopped onto the bed to take a nap thinking how strange I’m feeling.
(A cement-like feeling when walking is from among the sensations neuropathy creates. This I learnt few months later)
Awoke, then rolled the dough etc.
7 pm – dough work done & baked.
Mom asissted me in filling because she’s faster.. As a beginner in filling the triangle with no holes on the corners I was a bit slow…
Being very happy with myself & this accomplishment 😂 we ate & enjoyed fresh samoosas with tea ☕
I went to the bathroom, picked up the toilet jug to fill water (we wash with water after urinating or deficating)
The pain struck.
I’ve rolled pastries & such kind edibles since the past few years, everyone else rolls & nothing happens unless you’ve got rheumatoid arthritis or a condition alike …
Maybe I sprained a muscle or overdid it.. But very unlikely!!!
[ NEXT FEW WEEKS ]
Consisted of chiropractic treatments..
A physician who provided the intial diagnosis of Hyper Aesthetic Peripheral Neuropathy put me on 9 bags of corticosteroids 3×1 week.
Thereafter – the horrendous result of side effects followed.
Nausea, vomiting, migraines, dizziness.. An endless list.
(Not going into lengthy details regarding Peripheral Neuropathy here because all this has already been explained in the beginning of the blog)
During that time I’d sleep a lot during the day due to painsomnia-insomnia at night & also because sleep was the only time of being pain free.
Sleep was an escape during the day.
At night it would escape me even if i prevented myself from sleeping during the day.
[ FAST FORWARDING TO A SNIPPET FROM A LENGTHY EPISODE ]
He told me:
“To SNAP OUT of this dillusion of a so called sickness & live a normal life.”
“Those marks on your feet are nothing besides something ‘made up’. Its ‘just a colorant’ that rubbed off from somewhere.. shoes, socks or the floor”
“Do you know wats wrong with you??”
“I was following your results at Johannesburg Academic & they did not find anything ‘abnormal’. Do you know what N.A.D stands for??
Nothing. Abnormal. Detected”
“You!!! Should learn to live a normal life”
These words penetrated my soul worse than the angina permiated through my heart simultaneously.
I was hurt.
I was broken.
I was shattered.
I was shocked..
Not just by what he said…
But the manner in which he performed…
I felt humiliated & disgraced for being accused with this ideology of putting on a facaded sickness.
Later to realise people who project such behaviour onto their victims are in fact reflecting their own ignorance & character. Not me.
Returned home in a wild rage of fury. Banged my bedroom door closed & threw myself into the floor
Pleading for all of this to end. Not my life.
I hated him with every vein of blood running through my body.
Only a Tit for Tat.
Yes! I know we are taught & encouraged to always be the better one, but frankly speaking at that time I was enraged & couldn’t care any less.
Truth be told…
I cursed him like I done with no other
During those moments my heart found no place for forgiveness
Everyone knew they should let me be alone until I simmer down
Placing the headphones on my ears to drown out those insults
Nothing could be more comforting!!
As the words played:
“So do not let their words grieve you
Surely all honor is for your lord
He is the all-hearing, all-seeing.”
“Adopt a beautiful patience
And the Almighty is an assistant to which they assert upon you”
“Surely I complain of my grief & sorrow to my Lord”
“Thus, if they turn away then say;
My Lord is sufficient for me
There is none but him
Upon him do I rely & he is the Lord of the mighty throne”
My soul found freedom from those shackles
Waves of peace
And waves of serenity
A soothing balm which relieves & heals painful wounds of the soul.
Nothing alike this miraculous book
A savior from an assault that crashed me into smithereens.
This was the last of all drs whos rudeness & haughty personality knew no bounds..
He exceeded all others of the past & entitled himself to a certificate for being the worst 😂😂
[A DYSAUTONOMIA ANNIVERSARY]
Paging though my journals & glancing back
“Faith only gets baked with the intensity of difficulty.”
And in reality
“I’ve attained lots in place of all that has been lost”
When people pass on from an illness, I see them being referred to as “he / she lost the battle to such & such disease”
This is an unfair statement!
No matter what, disease or no disease, inevitably, all will taste death…
I wouldn’t like anyone referring to me as “lost”
Because each day & night of overcoming continous symptoms is a combat won.
We gain from every pain even if it be the prick of a thorn…
This world is an examination
The grave is a transportation
Towards the final graduation
Where all the awards are being reserved.
Again the question:
Are we loosing anything?
When choosing a blog name I hadn’t seen, read or listened to anything about swimming or surfing waves…
In my mind I visioned this journey to be one of an ocean
I always thought;
The ocean I see
Is not the same ocean others see
So when looking at the space on the WordPress application stating “blog name”
For a few minutes I wondered what would be an apt description??
And it clicked immediately.
Recently whilst looking back into my gallery, many qoutes were written on images with waves long before the idea of a blog arose…
SWIMMING THROUGH THE WAVES
Was meant to be.
Dedicated to me a few days ago by a very dear friend & sister – This scholar & mentor sums it beautifully 👇
We can’t escape problems in life.
We must learn to surf the waves of life’s problems
The one who cannot swim feels like each wave is drowning him
Learn to swim & you’ll enjoy the waves.
A lesson learnt in my little garden of growth – discussed under the chapter titled: seedlings of happiness
Every rose has a thorn.
Roses & thorns are parts of the same plant.
Somehow though, some people are concerned mainly about the roses. The rose is not on the plant for more than a week, but the thorns are there forever.
Roses are teaching that the beauty of life will bloom, once you have taught yourself the lessons given by living with the thorns.
– Grigoris Deoudis.
Year 3 has now dawned…
(If anyone would like me to forward a recording of this very inspirational & enlightening audio clip on the topic of surfing the waves of life’s problems.. Kindly WhatsApp, email or contact me wherever.. I will gladly share it like it was shared to me so others can benefit as well)