67 ~ Saved from sinking ~

Apologies for my sequence of posts being a bit off track. I prefer a continounity of series, however, it’s a bit difficult trying to put the blog up to date from the time everything began, as well as important updates of my current condition.

The mystery blogger award chapter, finale of 2017 hospital admission, follow up of clinic appointments, then everything will be on par. God-willing.

Thank you for bearing with me

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Continued from chapter 64;

Dr 1: You using Bipap? That’s too strong. Does it help? How can it even help?

*Thinking in my mind* I wouldn’t be using this device if it doesn’t help right?! Don’t have sufficient breath to begin listing ALL the reasons.

Dr 2: You not obese, there’s no example of epiglotis blocking your airway. How does bipap help?

It restores a bit of normalcy to the heart rhythm when my already abnormal rhythm looses total control, drowning me into waves of unconsciousness.

Provides relief from:

The feeling that my chest is about to burst

The feeling of bricks pulling me inside down

The feeling of a liquid intruder sitting ontop of my heart & squashing it

The feeling of my airway being gripped tightly closed

The cough with fluid regurgitating

& The feeling of every symptom Pulmonary Edema & CHF cause!!!

Dr 1: I don’t think she should use it.
Dr 2: *choruses* Use a nebulizer instead.

*sigh*

*don’t roll eyes* 😂

*keep calm*

*breathe*

*don’t let them upset you*

*Ignore*

*you can try a nebulizer but remember you alone know your body better than someone offering inexperienced & ill-equipped advice*

https://kayborninmay.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/29-giggles-in-an-er/

Mentally forced to remind myself of the incident that occurred in hospital when I was taken off oxygen..

https://kayborninmay.wordpress.com/2018/02/04/30-a-frenzied-search-for-air/

https://kayborninmay.wordpress.com/2018/02/05/31-resurfacing-back-to-light/

And the incident that occurred ” placing a knife to my own life” unaware, my heart is so weak that it cannot manage the effect of mild homeopathic calming meds that I took once during the time my nephew went for an operation…

As well as the recent saga of another suspected Pulmonary Embolism

Call me a broken tape recorder lol

A reminder to anyone else out there in the same / similar boat of not having proper drs as a back up;

Please listen to your body & fight for its rights of treatment. Do not allow anyone to persuade you into doing or stopping something that “does not feel correct”.

As read, i state this from experiences of learning the hard way that we should obey our bodies indications & conversations

Not ignorant dictations

Because IT’S NOT ALL IN OUR HEADS.

The manner we’re drilled with this phrase..

It took my body to shake my mind out of being convinced that these challenges are not only real but serious.

Now, the problem steps in with the above misconceptions;

A Dr should know; Cpap / Bipap is not only used for obstructive sleep apnea & related causes…

It’s also used as

1) Emergency medical response

2) A non invasive treatment care plan for CHF patients instead of a mechanical ventilator in certain cases.

3) Some cases of Pulmonary Edema where patients require treatment to assist breathing. A machine delivers oxygen under pressure to help get more air into the lungs.

Done with a mask / cannula called Cpap / Bipap.

Or a Dr inserts an endotracheal (breathing) tube down the throat as means of mechanical ventilation.

🔴 Information provided is not from Google.

Ive joined support groups & networks for each of my conditions to learn & understand from people’s personal first hand experiences. Among the members are many who have medical qaulifications & are chronically ill as well.

Cpap & Bipap are same besides few slight differences:

Cpap (Continous Positive Airway Pressure) air flow is set to a certain number after a sleep study is conducted or a respiratory physiologist evaluates.

Bipap (Bi level positive airway pressure) provides air flow according to the amount needed, by estimating the number of breaths the person inhales & exhales. Designed for long term use.

A comprehensive elaboration

https://kayborninmay.wordpress.com/2018/05/07/53-respiratory-allys/

Upon seeking clarity regarding a few issues, the following 14 warning signs were sent to me as guidelines by a group member

《 CALL FOR IMMEDIATE HELP IF YOU EXPERIENCE 》

🔴 Persistent chesthe pain that is not relieved by nitroglycerin

🔴 Severe & persistent shortness of breath

🔴 Fainting

《 INFORM YOUR DOCTOR OR NURSE ASAP IF YOU EXPERIENCE 》

🔵 Increasing shortness of breath & tolerating less & lesser activity

🔵 Con sisterly awakening short of breath

🔵 Needing more pillows to sleep comfortably

🔵 Rapid heart rate or worsening palpitations

《 DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR NURSE 》

⚪ Rapid weight gain of more than 2 kgs (3 pounds) in 3 days

⚪ Progressive swelling or pain the abdomen

⚪ Increasing swelling of the legs & ankles

⚪ Worsening dizziness

⚪ Loss of appetite / nausea

⚪ Increasing fatigue

⚪ Worsening cough

Out of the 14, I experience 10 daily & 3 occasionally.

I swim in a 24/7 warning zone but taking abundant dosages of faith pills & supplements never hurls me in a danger of being overdosed. Despite bad moments, I’m saved from sinking into a depressive state.

Worry departs when faith grows in the heart of a body requiring a transplant

By entrusting all affairs to the greatest of gifters 🎁 There ain’t a need to worry of

“Buts”

“What’s”

“Ifs”

& “how’s”

The soul is at peace knowing I am exactly

Where I should be❗

No one likes half hearted gifts. Those given “for the sake of it” are seldom used.

(Gifts given during my former teaching days, apart from these 3 years of being ill… Are items being utilized up to this very day. Sincerity of the heart always shines brightly.)

How then can I doubt decisions issued by the king of all kings who determines destiny purely to my benefit, not detriment, even though, outwardly it “appears”, we’re being “robbed“.

(A chapter pertaining to that topic will follow….)

On the road, everyone drives forward, imagine a scenario were someone, to begin reversing backwards?!

Crashes & wreckages of misery & gloom are bound to occur.

Break from the shackles of the past, talk about the pain & emotions involving this new door that has opened (in your manner of expresssion), broadens the space for change, thus paving the pathway to build a foundation of new perspectives..

(After publishing the post i found qoutes coinciding with my thoughts & experiences so added them in)

“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence”

Replace

“why” are these arrows being thrusted at “me”

with

what are they trying to teach?

What messages are they conveying?

The sharp points of potential killing will turn into a kit of equipment.

“I am blooming from the wound where I once bled”

– Rune Lazuli

Through this reflection, a new sphere gradually unbolts the lock of bitterness & transforms darkness into pleasing sweetness.

Absurd as it may sound.

“The whole world opens when we accept this moment, this very moment”

– Deepak Chopra

Steer the wheel of life ahead slowly

The road is bumpy and the drive is not easy

But all the beauty

Unravels surely

I guarantee

The slippery slopes stumbled, will be worthy.

The future is in control of no man’s hands…

Worrying about what’s to happen

Ruins the ability of “being – living – enjoying” current moments for the gifts they are presenting

Whether cured or not, either way a bonus. I would want to leave this fleeting phase knowing my time here was invested, not wasted by crying over the past or destroying the present, fretting over the inevitable.

How do I swim carefree?

Trust an assigned decree

Frustration and troubles flee

Each dawn is cradled with glee

How am I genuinely happy?

By resigning to kismet entirely