89 ~ My cheering coach ~

Re-edited with an important message at the end…

Walk few steps without bipap, gasp for air

Speak few words in a whisper & begin coughing hysterically

For those who’ve missed the explanation regarding the cardiac cough..

https://kayborninmay.wordpress.com/2018/03/08/38-a-knife-to-my-own-life/

The past 4 nights of sleep have passed by turning from my back onto the right. Attempt the left. No. Turn onto the back again, angina starts & in this manner, my sleeping pattern continues due to CHF exacerbating.

Lungs becoming heavier without much space remaining…

As if rocks are lodged within the chest closing every cavity.

An illustrative description of pulmonary edema:

Visualize a balloon. After blowing it up, we pull & hold the end tight to tie a knot so the air does not vamoos.

Representing it is the pipe in the middle of our chests, called the trachea..

If someone takes their 2 hands & forcefully clasps the trachea tightly closed.

Will the person get any air?

Will they manage to breathe?

Nopes.

Due to pressure of excess fluid, the arteries etc constrict.

Elevated levels of water retention constantly triggers the angina.

Water retention meds have been upped but of not much help.

In between I doze off to sleep then awake startled with a fimilar knife slashing through.

Already being in a fatigued state where you force yourself to remain awake for longer periods, how does a person function without receiving much needed sleep?

Stupified, still partially.

So, on Thursday morning we decide to call my Dr (the 1 based in Cape Town) to consult…

Trying every number, email & means of contact possible. Via a contact here & another contact there. No response until today. Just a total blank. Dead. End.

Combatting to recieve medical treatment or just one extra person to guide & lend a hand enroute, let alone the team work I require, is gruelling.

When you’ve attempted all means possible but reach nowhere whilst having inadequate energy & time for basic necessities, the body becomes burnt out!

After holding the pieces together in their places too long, my battery level skidded from low to a zero, then I allowed myself to collapse.

In my own way I expressed

Emotions should not be suppressed

Further damage occurs if not dealt & left

The flood gates involuntarily swung open & the dam gushed….

Crying is remedial when feeeling enfeeble

Once again explaining. Not complaining.

In reference of attempting to contact my Dr since 4 months now:

< 31/08/2018 >

Yesterday
I faced dismay
Then wrote
This anecdote

➖

For the umpteenth time I tried
Then cast the phone aside & sighed
Buried my face into a pillow and cried

Unto one who’s names & words console
All the crevices in my wearied soul
One who repairs me to be whole

For he alone sees, hears, knows
& dictates the writing of the scrolls
When the impact of a tornado enfolds

He is my cheering coach
When trials roll & approach
Or illiterate doctor’s reproach

With taunts of being mentally impeded
I have not been abandoned stranded
“Single” but not empty handed

In my heart is a guide
To help me thrive
And revive

Listen
To its rhythm
& become smitten

A recital
Tranquil
Unequal

Rekindles worn out zest
So after trying all my best
Overhead, I entrust the rest.

Don’t fret about the fabrications people relay
The truth will always prevail on 1 surprising day
Albeit an extended and distressing delay

A neck lowered, spent bent
Prayers are being sought & sent
To persist swimming with firm intent

A hopeful request
The Almighty accepts
My meager efforts

< 01/09/2018 >

[ TODAY ]

In the morning when I awoke

And peered out the window

Onto a colorless patio

Lo and behold!!!

Sprouts of white hope

Spurred me to sail afloat

A reminder; if I desire eternal splendor of the next life, I have to withstand the thorns that prick along this ride.

A reminder; I should be grateful to my lord who has placed this weight & restores unlimited strength in me to tolerate.

A reminder; without experiencing tribulations, we will not be granted the privilege to sprawl in lush gardens.

A reminder; sometimes patience is difficult, but the after merits are significant.

A reminder; there is no paradise without sacrifice.

“There are oceans of reasons

For everything that happens”

“Bitter medicine is the most effective treatment”

No matter how gnawingly unpleasant some experiences taste, there is unknown benefit.

The same scholar beautifully presents an example:

Alike the sparrow who pecks a sip of water from the ocean, but a lot simultaneously falls back.. That is the minimal amount of knowledge we possess – in comparison to the Almightys.