155 ~ Shattered dreams – Part 2 ~

6th May 2019

I jumped up with a flurry of nervousness and excitement as I tapped open the following message which read:

“I managed to get an appointment for you with Dr so & so… On the 4th of June at 2:30. Hope that’s okay”

4th of June…. ๐Ÿ’ญ

Mmmm, that’s just under a months time ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ๐Ÿคฉ

Wowww!! This feels like a dream. Do I really have an appointment scheduled in a month’s time???!

Time to celebrate the culmination of such a lengthy period, waiting and waiting and waiting ๐ŸŽ‰

It took a few days for the news to sink in. A combination and jumble of emotions running through.. Curiosity of what’s to come.. What will be and how will it turn out.. And whether I’ll gain further clarity because exactly one year ago around this time, the ECG showed signs of Right Ventricular Strain – a deformed right heart muscle and then 5 months later – Right Bundle Branch Block.

Relieved that I have sufficient time for mental preparation and to put all my medical notes into order, I exhaled a sigh of relief for not being told to go in at a spur of the moment.

The countdown then commenced

(These pics were saved at the termination of the countdown)

One week before the appointment I began writing a summary of my medical history. Previous Dr’s kept various copies of my other notes and even upon request did not give it back nor respond to our queries to forward them via email…

Which meant I had to begin from scratch & it felt like the worst mission. But instead of dwelling on how long it would take, I started and moved fast but neat as possible to finish on time so that I could finally put the pen down with ease that everything is noted down in a concise but comprehensive format, not leaving out anything of importance because you’d be surprised how little signs can sometimes indicate to much bigger issues.

(For example – finger nails indicating heart / lung / liver disease, like one of the past Drs pointed out to me in 2018)

TIP: Its important to always have your notes in order. A proper tracker of symptoms including questions you may want to ask, because sometimes we forget in the process of things, and also, you don’t want to “waste extra time” by having to think and not being able to remember something in particular. Not all Dr’s are patient. In fact, very few are. I can literally count how many are patient and give their ALL from the countless ones I’ve consulted with.

Hence, it’s important to take full advantage and maximum benefit of the time given to you by having everything well presented. First impressions are lasting. The notes you have to show and any queries posed, reflect and speak a lot about you as a person to the Dr. Be smart & natural. Lol.

While writing I fervently prayed that all those hours of strain & pain would not be in vain. I implored with all my heart that something fruitful would grow from all the hard effort of writing a 10 page history of symptoms, let alone experiencing them….

29th May 2019 ๐ŸŒ„

๐™ท๐šŽ๐šŠ๐š๐š’๐š—๐š 6 ๐š๐šŠ๐šข๐šœ ๐šŒ๐š•๐š˜๐šœ๐šŽ๐š›, ๐šŠ ๐š๐š›๐š’๐šŽ๐š—๐š ๐šœ๐šŽ๐š—๐š ๐š–๐šŽ ๐š๐š‘๐š’๐šœ ๐š ๐šŠ๐š›๐š– ๐š’๐š–๐šŠ๐š๐šŽ ๐š˜๐š ๐š๐š‘๐šŽ ๐šœ๐šž๐š— ๐š‘๐šŠ๐šŸ๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š›๐š’๐šœ๐šŽ๐š—

๐™ฐ๐š—๐š ๐™ธ ๐š ๐š˜๐š—๐š๐šŽ๐š›๐šŽ๐š ๐š’๐š ๐š๐š‘๐šŽ ๐šž๐š™๐šŒ๐š˜๐š–๐š’๐š—๐š ๐šŽ๐šŸ๐šŽ๐š—๐š๐šœ ๐š ๐š˜๐šž๐š•๐š ๐š‹๐š›๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š๐š˜๐š›๐š๐š‘ ๐šŠ ๐š•๐š’๐š๐š‘๐š ๐šŽ๐šš๐šž๐šŠ๐š•๐š•๐šข ๐š๐š˜๐š•๐š๐šŽ๐š—

The clock ticked appearing louder than I would’ve normally noticed as the days neared, causing some butterflies to flutter around inside my abdomen.

Few days prior to the appointment an amazing friend sent a message.. One message that made a world of difference. It made me feel more at ease and relaxed. I am so appreciative to everyone who kindly and selflessly sent whatever they could to lend support!

“He so mercifully gave your appointment in such blessed days… After such auspicious nights, he placed your appointment… There’s definitely something good to come out. Aameen”

Woah! ุณุจุญุงู† ุงู„ู„ู‡

A remarkable point of view that rang in my head serving extra reassurance & a continous reminder while going through the daily motions of life until the night before when there was about 15 hours remainding….

[06/04, 00:59] K: Can’t sleep early the night I need to sleep and thinking of u now ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ˜˜

[06/04, 01:00] F: I just finished reading and thought of you. Was wondering if you managed to fall asleep with everything

[06/04, 01:02] K: And it’s not that I’m “worried or stressed”

Only a thousand thoughts floating through my head. Supposed to make my brain more tired and let me fall asleep quicker ๐Ÿ™„

I even drank lavender tea ๐Ÿ˜‚ It didn’t work tonight ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€ How do u tell ur mind to ๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿคซ

[06/04, 01:03] F: Oh mahn ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ and you need the sleep…

Anyways, eventually I fell asleep and awoke earlier than expected but desired, in a wondrous way – by a voice alike to mums gently calling my name. Asking mum if she called for me but she replies in the negative…
A heavenly awakening indeed!

4 AM

During the early hours of the morning before the sun peaked into the sky, I awoke to bid farewell to the last night of an auspicious month..

Hands raised in prayer I conversed and beseeched recalling this beautiful picture a cousin sent as a reminder ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’›

Oh Lord! Only you opened this door for me as I didn’t know it existed. Therefore, whatever unravels from here onwards has to contain goodness. It cannot be for nothing. There has to be something..

Please hold my hands, guide me along every lap of the way, make my footing firm & let my strength be unwavering for all that is bound to befall..

As I step into a world of mystery, make it a beginning towards good and let this be the ease you’ve promised after difficulty..

Repeating the above I clung onto certain verses to help me continue sailing…

Another friend saw this picture and thought of me.. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’—

Just breathe…

Deeply in and out as the building came into view later after noon that fateful day…



(Kindly email me if you’re interested to also hear some short but beautiful and soothing videos with different snippets of verses that pulled me though these various stages)

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