162 ~ Shattered dreams – Part 8 ~

Continuation from 14/06/2019 – 3 days after the cardiac cath

I picked up a canvas today to design the word ايمان faith – from a set comprising of four – حب love, امل hope, توكل trust, requested by a dear friend abroad.. As I worked on this one particular word, I contemplated over the simultaneous test of my

Faith

In the unseen. To hold on with conviction that this shamble is opening a way for something else extraordinary.

Faith

The complete validity and truth of my condition will eventually prevail

Never! Does the exalted word and promise of His fairness fail

Those who presume my cardiopulmonary symptoms are a pretence, will one day be shamed into silence. I alone know of the pluck it takes to fight 24/7, with insufficient medical assistance..

On the same day, a friend checked in and we became engrossed in a conversation. Here is a snippet:

Z: If you ever feel the need to vent… Scream … Shout… Cry… Say weird things… Please know u can say it here. No judgements. I know socially people don’t accept these feelings… But we are human and have emotion. You picked yourself up sooo many times. That’s the greatest courage and strength

K: When u said this.. Concurrently I shared an audio clip onto my whatsapp status. Verses which speak of Prophet Jacob being enveloped in sorrow due to the seperation from his beloved son. And he wept to such an extent that he became blind.

I’m not directing this to anyone, but on a general note, “get over it” is a discourteous statement for people who are undergoing any sort of loss or trials. A statement I’ve always despised.I mean, take into account, for how many years a Prophet wept… What about us who are far below in rank

K: “YOU GET IT” 👏🎉 😂 🤗🤗

Time doesn’t eradicate all types of pain completely. There are days where you’re physically driven down certain lanes and deluged by memories. I cannot travel on certain roads or pass areas to other places without seeing lengthy trails of medical memories.

Back and forth the endless trips to hospital where I repeatedly played the comforting chapter of Prophet Yusuf (Joseph peace he upon him) to embolden me for unknown encounters ahead & free me from the shackles of heartbreak after a return of rejection.

The ache seemed to reduce once I opened the Qur’aan and traced my fingers thoughtfully over its lucent pages

Reassured oh shattered soul, herein Surah Yusuf is substantiation for the rewards of all patience to arrive in stages

The sequence of his life events narrated specially for us provides a myriad lessons with oceanic solace.

After years of struggle – against the envious plots of his step brothers. In the loneliness and darkness of a well. Then freed and sold to the king of Egypt. A fight against the seduction of Zulaikha. Accusations. Different narrations deduce he was imprisoned for a period of 10 / 12 years, and as a whole, still being separated from his father an estimated +- 40 years.

Eventually Yusuf عليه السلام was released after the truth unveiled and crowned with honor, authority, and affluence.

Undeniably, his tale remains the best of chapters to mend the deepest wounds.

During my grief-stricken moments, I played a few moving renditions on repeat

It lulled me off to sleep, while infusing strength into the veins of a numbed beat

Sometimes, at certain points along the journey; all human words fail

Only the creators tranquilizing and melodic verses come to our avail

“So patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe”

It might not be soon, but a time will come when I’ll be able to rethink this experience without salty oceans brimming in my eyes

“Only the chapter of Prophet Joseph (peace be upon him) will make you happy while you’re at a peak of sadness”

“The shirt of Prophet Joseph (peace be upon him) taught me:

I should remove despondency from my heart,

Whenever I find myself in a state of misery..

For, in the unseen.. There are wondrous secrets / matters of amazement”

Why is the chapter of Prophet Joseph termed as “the best of stories?”

Because it teaches us:

Surely, the imprisoned will be released (come out)

And the sick will be cured

And the absent (missing) will return

And the grieved will become happy

And the repenter will be forgiven

And difficulty will be removed

And the beloveds shall reunite (meet)

And forgiveness for that which has passed is the most beautiful of beginnings

And verily, all the tests of a believer contain good

Thus with the Almighty, hope should not disappear, so do not become dispondent and trust in him..

Do not carry the (weight of the) earth upon your heads, while certainly he has made it beneath your feet...

And whoever is with the Almighty, his weakness will not harm him..

But whoever is not with the Almighty, how can his strength benefit him..

On seeing my attachment and status updates pertaining to the tale of Yusuf عليه السلام, a friend sent the following image

(Not forgetting Zain Bhikas beautiful lyrics as well)

I clung onto the verses and commentary of Surah Yusuf for dear life and by means of its inclusive remedial effect, the pain etched in my heart began to dissipate.

Deep down I knew I was being saved from a worse calamity by being rejected. The good possibilities are many. But obviously in my initial state of shock & bewilderment, I wasn’t yet ready to see the light. It takes time to process unforseen change before you rise upto a level where you can get a glimpse of the light in a particular situation.

And then with each breadth you take towards the surface, the light shines brighter until you become it’s embodiment. Darkness has vanished. Whenceforth, as you proceed, your heart now starts to fathom the profound perfection in his decision.

It’s okay if for a limitless while you are bound by a rightful state of anguish

Take life step by step, breath by breath, and the misery will slowly diminish…