163 ~ Shattered dreams – Part 9 ~

23/06/2019

The Qur’aan is an all-encompassing medicine

To which none can draw any sort of comparison

و عسى ان تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم

و عسى ان تحبوا شيئا وهو شر لكم

و الله يعلم و انتم لا تعلمون

“It may be that you dislike a thing, while it is good for you

It may be that you love a thing, while it is bad for you

And your lord knows but you do not know”

Are the verses that repeatedly flashed infront of my vision as the shock dissipated & I searched for light in the entire situation. Although I didn’t recieve clarity or closure as initially lead on, how can this experience pass without serving a purpose?! From the anguish of a broken wish, where is the gain concealed??

There had to be! Somewhere!

A nagging hesitation resurfaced after I ignored and expelled it out of my mind. My heart reiterated that if the cardiac cath showed all my cardiac defects, the Dr’s would’ve decided to perform open heart surgery… And perhaps it would not have been a success!

Perhaps it would’ve been an uphill of unnecessary complications, or who knows, major damage. God forbid.

Conducting surgery on Dysautonomia patients is a complicated matter, which other specialists who are not in the field of neurophysiology do not understand.

We have to be given extra IV fluids due to low blood volume. General anesthetic is another complex issue with me. They have to be careful how it affects our digestive tracts that are in partial or total paralysis. A broader picture is involved.

So ultimately, after my hullabaloo, I was saved from a bigger calamity by means of a small difficulty. I might not comprehend the full rationale, but I am truly grateful because whatever happens is 100% beneficial to me.

My heart knows, despite these 2 Dr’s being proficient, they are human & therefore not infallible. There were huge possibilities of unexpected mishaps. And soul signals are mostly accurate.

Patients & medical professionals kindly take note:

Coincidentally, I opened the news feed and thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw an update from a fibro fighter who’s brother in law underwent an operation. Unforseen complications arose during the procedure, and he went into cardiac arrest. Drs said he is brain dead and has only few hours of life remaining. Approximately a week or 2 later, he passed on. May the Almighty have mercy upon his soul.

This story bowled me over. Although different in nature, it hit close home.

Upon seeing the initial results, the probability of having to undergo surgery was clear. But our most merciful benefactor twisted the events & showed them no reason to perform surgery. I’d rather continue with these symptoms as I am accustomed to managing it. Instead of an added / worse catastrophe.. God forbid!

A crew members interest then concurred with my sentiments.(Extract from our whatsapp chat)

Z: So cardiologists and surgeons need to be extra cautious with dysautonomia patients… They probably require a full briefing prior to the procedure and that might still be insufficient to cover an extensive topic that is not well versed and largely misunderstood.

I’m so so soooo glad that you found peace with the entire situation.

The Almighty sent this story to you at such a precise time, where it only solidifies your feeling that He saved you from a much bigger calamity via this calamity.

Wow! It just coincides with your instinct. Perhaps the open heart surgery would not have went well.

K: Yessss! Usually they push all your other conditions aside and isolate their focus onto their particular field, which I fully understand! However, that’s where the problem arises. You cannot exclude Dysautonomia from the equation, when it is the root cause of my cardiopulmonary issues. You have to bring in multiple experts to look at the picture holistically! A job that is not easy and challenging. There is so much to first consider from the point of every internal organ being affected on different levels. Surgery is a high-risk decision.

Z: The Almighty closed this door.
But He is Al Fattaah – The opener.
There is a beeeeeg door waiting to be opened, god-willing.

It is for your protection. Not a curse. – Yasmin Mogahed

The outcome of one unusual cath that opposed all other substantial proof, became the grounds for mindless people to jump onto the vulnerability of my situation. Of course, disbelief in parts of my condition and its entirety also escalated. However, I am long time done bothering with small, ignorant perceptions.

25/07/2019

I am not obligated to constantly prove myself and show evidence

Those who know me well enough, do not need to be convinced

People who truly care recognize the intensity of my illnesses and remain faithful

So why fret regarding the opposite percentage, while others make life so joyful

At the point of receiving incomprehensible results, it seemed to be a woeful end

But I kept going with a flicker of hope, a surprise awaits somewhere around the bend

I overcame the type of an experience, never before envisaged I’ll have to undergo

But perhaps the blood of shattered dreams fertilized the soil for gardens to grow

Although I cannot pinpoint, my heart knows flowers are sure to blossom

Because how can the decision of one who is All-wise be void of wisdom?!

Perhaps a better replacement will unfold

And its time will be a wonder to behold

Perhaps in the midst of this mysterious wait

Something spectacular is evolving as my fate

My creators plan is at work behind the front scenes

So only good will be a result of the smithireens

In response to people who inquire; what are the next options to view?

Besides the CT chest scan for which there is disinterest, I do not have a clue

Other than faith of ease succeeded by difficulty, is a promise always true

Where to from now onwards, people ask?

I have to continue the swimming task

The answers were not placed in my hands

So I go on with trust in the highest of plans.

After being buried here deep in the unknown

It’s time for the seeds of spring to be sown.

Later on as I moved through my surroundings absorbed in the landscape, awed

Notwithstanding indeterminate cardiac defects, my enthusiasm restored

A getaway from home to connect with nature helped to provide closure

Irrespective of the direction I’m heading, I became optimistic and sure

One day the puzzle will fit and make complete sense

When my lord unveils the goodness behind his “lense”

The perplexity of this test

Will certainly manifest

Fellow fighters, I hear the resignation in your voice when you feel like it’s too much and want to give up

But please hang on however you can, if possible, step outside and with deep breaths lift your gaze above….

See;

“Magical revivals” helped me conquer this ordeal

Only via those bounties I regained the peace I feel

It took two months to hunt for her, an erst version of the girl whom I knew

But her return was accompanied by determination to pursue and continue

Sometimes it sounds farfetched but happiness will blossom in various forms once again

There is only a certain amount of sorrow your heart will be made to bear and contain

Pain is attached to our stay in this temporary abode, it’s presence will not leave

But from the needles, pokes, and bleeds, material is extended for us to weave

So as we move ahead, place a hand on your heart and know you will be fine

Let the rhythmic motions remind you of a change when you will rise and shine

Consider life to be a mountain. If we do not persist in climbing and withstanding the challenges associated, we shall be deprived of the magnificent views ontop. So keep placing one foot infront of the other and perhaps one day..

One day will dawn when the final step you take will seal all difficulty behind and usher you into Jannah – The main prize awarded in lieu of your noteworthy efforts.

Believe my words, when I say;

There are places that anticipate your arrival. There are people who derive comfort in the warmth of your soul. There are animals who appreciate your care. There is joy found in the sound of your voice, a text you sent, or the hands you hold. There is someone who needs what you have to contribute, if the most be, your mere sight.

There are sunsets awaiting to capture you in its picturesque medley of shades. There is a starry sky appointed to cocoon you in its quietude. There are moonlit nights desirous of your company.

There is a journey ahead to undertake & it will be a combination of 4 seasons for all the perfectly set reasons.

Patience oh my heart! There are unknown wonders in the matters of the universe!

During the times you find it difficult to push through and keep up the tempo of being alive, place your hand on that thud and feel…

Feel that miraculous organ beat

Put on your headphones and repeat

Soon after difficulty there will be ease.

It may take days, it may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years, but it will appear.

Either here or there

Forever after.

In conclusion I finally release myself from the weight of a trapped tale as I kneel forward to prostrate

While in a position of close proximity, peace descends as I raise my hands upwards to supplicate

Oh my creator! Without you

How would I make it through?

And what will I be able to do?

By means of your love and beneficence, I am still alive. The thought alone stirs ample joy.

If your remembrance is not present

The latter would be non existent

I would have been lost had you not guided me

I would have been doomed had you not shown me the light

I would have gone astray had you not favored me with a perfected mode of living.

Unto you is all praise for what was during the past, what is now, and what will be in the future…

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