164 ~ Shattered dreams – Epilogue ~

Written at the oceanfront

When the seas become dark

And your surroundings are stark

When the tides turn icy cold

And you can no longer hold

When boisterous waves crash

And you tumble with its lash

When the thunderbolts roar

And the clouds send a downpour

When circumstances are bleak

And your body has become weak

On cue, your faithful one’s will arrive

And plunge in deep waters to help you survive

***

Kay’s crew

A treasured few

Always remain true

Lifeguards to the rescue

Moonlight do they imbue

Attach like impenetrable glue

Cannot be reciprocated in full due

Nor traded for anything else in lieu

After days of staring at this draft with strewn thoughts, disconnected ends, a blank mind and writers block despite having so much to say!

Here is a long overdue note of appreciation to my entire crew, rare pear, and every single person out there who spurred me on to write when I became discouraged.

To all of you who willingly set aside special time to read the Shattered Dream series

To all of you who tapped on the link without hesitation

To all of you who plucked up courage to read in spite of a less appealing heading

To all of you who anticipated posts irrespective of a woeful or enticing story line

To all of you who selflessly shared the weight to lighten my shoulders

To all of you, the aforementioned people;

A round of applause and huge thank you! May the Almighty reward you tremendously on my behalf.

It might seem like what’s the big deal. But for those of us in the chronic illness community, little things are big. Every action counts. It creates ripple effects.

Midway through the series I recieved unsurprising reactions such as..

“I didn’t want to read something that sounded like a melancholic tale”

Well, you never know what benefit you could’ve gained from reading one but after some serious consideration, I decided that I will not be apologetic about the title nor will I change it. My reasons behind remain. People who’ve had similar medical dreams crushed, gain comfort in knowing they’re not isolated.

It is like it is. An accurate description of passed phases.

Initially I had no inclination to share these phases of my journey because the subjection of disbelief was expected to extend & I didn’t have energy to deal with additional drama. However after a considerable amount of time when the healing process commenced, I felt a strong urge to let it out for several reasons and was encouraged to do so at my own pace.

Although its the real and raw truth as mentioned previously, it wasn’t an easy story to compose because the pieces were just as the title describes. Dreams. Shattered & scattered. All over. I lost count of the hours and days and spent in gathering the pieces and constructing them into something completely anew.

The title was chosen after contemplating what would be an apt description of the journey in its course of time.

Shattered dreams or chronicles of survival?

Although both were suitable, my heart inclined towards the first because its an apt description of all that transpired. I did not want to sugarcoat the title. They’re a mixture of everything from which the broader part of society tends to shame and shy away.

(Chronicles of survival are reserved for another series, God willing)

This specific title applies to other people in various modes. Dreams are shattered in the form of sudden death, news of a terminal illness, tragedy of some sort, or for us when consulting a new Dr with a long term of invested hope, only for it to evaporate. We cannot compare our pain but we can relate on different levels.

My intention was to illustrate; when your aspirations are smashed it seems like your world has terminated.

But it still continues.

It seems like too much to bear but he only afflicts us with an amount we can handle.

So you can do it even when you think you can’t

Even if for a while you do nothing, allow yourself grace

Your spirit may be periodically crushed, but strength is embedded deep within your core

If not now, some time later it will return you once again to the frontline of your war

With divine assistance you have the ability to pick up the shattered pieces of your dreams and redesign them into a striking artwork.

When you are ready.

It might not seem appealing but a desire will later be evoked and afterwards you will find yourself looking back with admiration at how far you’ve come.

Remember #wegotdys

Do not be ashamed of falling apart or crashing however many times it be, you’re entitled.

Aren’t we enthralled by the glory of a waterfall as it cascades?

Is the beauty of the ocean not enhanced by crashing waves?

Likewise; loosing some light doesn’t decrease your worth as a human being. In actual fact, it multiplies.

Each time you fall below and resurface

Your soul is filled with greater purpose

After all, at some point in time

Al-Wahhaab – The bestower / gifter

Will bestow upon you a gift, different from what was taken

In preference to all your hopes and dreams that were broken

Upon oath

Some of my dreams were broken

While others were beautifully built

So continue to establish a trust with the director of life

Who plans incomprehensible details, so precise.

Added: 03/07/2020

I may not fully understand why shattered dreams happened

Or why some lives are thrown upside-down in a split second

I may not fully comprehend the irony of a mysterious fate

But I trust; other types of blessings and ease surely await.

Because he knows everything while you do not, is my reply

When the mind scrambles onto the search for a why

Know this

Every single answer does not have to be shown for me to understand

Because I have never emerged empty-handed from all he planned

Self-love, growth, purpose, and ambitions were further instilled

Through the wild of it all a life reclaimed keeps me fulfilled

So take your time to accept what was meant to be

Building hope better adventures lay ahead to see

Yes! Few points I cannot exclude and have to profess

It has been a lengthy, messy, healing process

From general phases of “I’m fine, the story is done and over”

To flashbacks of “I wonder why those dreams took a turnover”

In all honesty I wished death several times because some periods were so hard

They beat the life out of my body until it became tattered, worn-out, and scarred

But at the end I am happy for being safeguarded from unknown dangers in between

My soul believes and has reached full peace with the hidden wonders of the unseen

It’s time we bid you a bittersweet farewell oh mysterious fate

Soon after your hard-fought time, double ease will effectuate

سيجعل الله بعد عسر يسرا

𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐬

𝐎𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬


(Note:

I’ve attached a beautiful collection of quotes that were sent to me as a means of encouragement and affirmation during the aftermath.

These quotes may benefit others so I included them in here with the intention you can perhaps share them onwards to someone and continue the chain of uplifment)

13 Comments Add yours

  1. journeyadmin says:

    You know what. I love a melancholic tale. And whatever people may tell you, keep believing that you will be the sun.
    You will shine through and eventually, when the storm does pass… like it always does… that will be your time. You are the sun. Even the sun has days when it wants to hide away. But what’s important is how we recognize that no matter what, this is life, and there are clouds and there’s rain… but despite it all… we persevere… only with Him in our heart.
    Beautiful poetry as always ❤️

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Subhanallah.. Luvvvv the lesson you present across sister 🌻☀️
      Visualizing the scenes as I’m reading through your words Masha-Allah 💞

      Aameen. Jazakillah khair for the motivation. Yessss, I toooo like those type of tales because that’s called REAL LIFE. Especially the ones you have to tell us 🏆

      I get tired seeing sugar coated, “picture perfects” everywhere we turn.. Life is all about the storms and what we can take from it. Perfection is reserved only for Jannah.

      (Maaf i also tried commenting couple of times on your beautiful posts, but no clue why the comment doesn’t show up 🙈🙈. Could it be an error on my side by any chance? It shows “your comment” posted. But the comment doesn’t appear. Then doesnt allow me to post it again 🤦‍♀️)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. journeyadmin says:

        My goodness… dear sis… JazakAllah for letting me know. I just checked my spam queue and I had about 60 waiting of which at least 10% was not spam. I’ve loaded your comments, and plz make Maaf about that.. I need to check my spam queue more often ❤️
        Btw you are so right about the sugar coating. We definitely need a reality check now and then that reminds us about life… and how we are out here to build our aakhirat 💙

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A says:

    Sister, your journey might be melancholic for some but it was also a story of hope for others as you showed them in each post that no matter what happens always remember someone above (Allaah) is looking out for you and your suffering is never in vain🌷🌷

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Aaaah jazakillah khair 💞
      It gladdens me that people can see the light for which I search, obtain and share 🌻

      Also gladdens me to know people understand the messages i try my utmost best to present..

      A striking sentence there:
      ~ That no matter what happens always remember someone above “is looking out for you”… ~
      💯 💐
      الحمد لله

      Liked by 2 people

      1. A says:

        💐🌷

        Like

  3. Yumna says:

    Your beautiful quotes bring comfort to my heart❤️ We each get tested in this world, in different ways but with the same goal of attaining Jannah inshallah. May you be rewarded with the best of rewards for your courage, strength & strong faith.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Jazakillah khair 💐
      So true my sister 💙💖
      He also tests us by his mercy when he knows our deeds are insufficient to grant us the rank he desires for us..

      Aaaaameeen.
      May the pain and sorrow you experience become a means of your everlasting success and eternal happiness in Jannah.
      May you be granted all the strength required to face the days ahead.
      And may your heart always be wrapped in Allah’s comfort and encompassing love.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Binti Mahmood says:

    ❤💖💟💞💝💚💙💜💛

    Liked by 3 people

    1. 💗💙💚💛🧡💖💞💕💝

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Melancholic? I think not…
    Realistic? Yep..
    Heartbreaking? Without a doubt..
    Inspiring? Definitely
    A beautiful narrative with extremely crucial lessons? 💯

    Wow! You’re the one that needs to be thanked for sharing your story
    We’re mere readers that can barely do a thing and for that, I’ll always be sorry
    I know this blog is just the tip of the iceberg, we’ll never truly know the extent of your hidden scars
    Helpless and useless we are, but I hope I can offer just the slightest bit of comfort when I say, you’re in our Duas❤️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Woah!! You’re definitely a flower in the garden of a wild life 🌸🌼🌺
      Lolllz.
      Jazakillah khair. You categorized and capsulized the description beautifully 💙💖💙

      Lol, laughable to think it was termed “melancholic” without actually being read.. Assuming the story simply by looking at the title. Something like judging the book by its cover without reading the contents.

      Anyhoo, your feedback adds sunshine to my day ☀️🌻

      Those duaas are the ones that silently lift us up when we fall down 💐 Always needed and much appreciated. May Allah bless you abundantly

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Aww! I think that’s the sweetest compliment anyone’s given me ever

        Its sad how quick ppl r to judge and make up their minds, huh?

        Glad to hear that🌹
        آمين ثم امين 💙

        Liked by 2 people

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