164 ~ Shattered dreams – Epilogue ~

Written at the oceanfront

When the seas become darkAnd your surroundings are starkWhen the tides turn icy cold And you can no longer holdWhen boisterous waves crashAnd you tumble with its lashWhen the thunderbolts roarAnd the clouds send a downpourWhen circumstances are bleak And your body has become weakOn cue, your faithful one’s will arriveAnd plunge in deep waters to help you survive ***Kay’s crewA treasured fewAlways remain true Lifeguards to the rescue Moonlight do they imbueAttach like impenetrable glue Cannot be reciprocated in full due Nor traded for anything else in lieuAfter days of staring at this draft with strewn thoughts, disconnected ends, a blank mind and writers block despite having so much to say!Here is a long overdue note of appreciation to my entire crew, rare pear, and every single person out there who spurred me on to write when I became discouraged.To all of you who willingly set aside special time to read the Shattered Dream seriesTo all of you who tapped on the link without hesitationTo all of you who plucked up courage to read in spite of a less appealing headingTo all of you who anticipated posts irrespective of a woeful or enticing story lineTo all of you who selflessly shared the weight to lighten my shouldersTo all of you, the aforementioned people;A round of applause and huge thank you! May the Almighty reward you tremendously on my behalf.It might seem like what’s the big deal. But for those of us in the chronic illness community, little things are big. Every action counts. It creates ripple effects.Midway through the series I recieved unsurprising reactions such as..“I didn’t want to read something that sounded like a melancholic tale”Well, you never know what benefit you could’ve gained from reading one but after some serious consideration, I decided that I will not be apologetic about the title nor will I change it. My reasons behind remain. People who’ve had similar medical dreams crushed, gain comfort in knowing they’re not isolated.It is like it is. An accurate description of passed phases.Initially I had no inclination to share these phases of my journey because the subjection of disbelief was expected to extend & I didn’t have energy to deal with additional drama. However after a considerable amount of time when the healing process commenced, I felt a strong urge to let it out for several reasons and was encouraged to do so at my own pace.Although its the real and raw truth as mentioned previously, it wasn’t an easy story to compose because the pieces were just as the title describes. Dreams. Shattered & scattered. All over. I lost count of the hours and days and spent gathering the pieces and constructing them into something completely anew.The title was chosen after contemplating what would be an apt description of the journey in its course of time.Shattered dreams or chronicles of survival?Although both were suitable, my heart inclined towards the first because it’s an apt description of all that transpired. I did not want to sugarcoat the title. They’re a mixture of everything from which the broader part of society tends to shame and shy away.(Chronicles of survival are reserved for another series, God willing)This specific title applies to other people in various modes. Dreams are shattered in the form of sudden death, news of a terminal illness, the tragedy of some sort, or for us when consulting a new Dr with a long term of invested hope, only for it to evaporate. We cannot compare our pain but we can relate on different levels.I intended to illustrate; when your aspirations are smashed it seems like your world has terminated.But it continues.It seems like too much to bear but he only afflicts us with an amount we can handle.So you can do it even when you think you can’tEven if for a while you do nothing, allow yourself graceYour spirit may be periodically crushed, but strength is embedded deep within your coreIf not now, sometime later it will return you once again to the frontline of your war With divine assistance, you can pick up the shattered pieces of your dreams and redesign them into striking artwork.When you are ready.It might not seem appealing but a desire will later be evoked and afterward, you will find yourself looking back with admiration at how far you’ve come.Remember #wegotdysDo not be ashamed of falling apart or crashing however many times it be, you’re entitled.Aren’t we enthralled by the glory of a waterfall as it cascades? Is the beauty of the ocean not enhanced by crashing waves?Likewise; losing some light doesn’t decrease your worth as a human being. It multiplies.Each time you fall below and resurfaceYour soul is filled with greater purpose After all, at some point in timeAl-Wahhab – The bestower/gifterWill bestow upon you a gift, different from what was takenIn preference to all your hopes and dreams that were broken

Upon oathSome of my dreams were brokenWhile others were beautifully builtSo continue to establish a trust with the director of lifeWho plans incomprehensible details, so precise.

Added: 03/07/2020

I may not fully understand why shattered dreams happenedOr why some lives are thrown upside-down in a split secondI may not fully comprehend the irony of a mysterious fateBut I trust; other types of blessings and ease surely await.Because he knows everything while you do not, is my replyWhen the mind scrambles onto the search for a why

Know this

Every single answer does not have to be shown for me to understandBecause I have never emerged empty-handed from all he plannedSelf-love, growth, purpose, and ambitions were further instilledThrough the wild of it all, a life reclaimed keeps me fulfilledSo take your time to accept what was meant to beBuilding hope better adventures lay ahead to seeYes! Few points I cannot exclude and have to professIt has been a lengthy, messy, healing processFrom general phases of “I’m fine, the story is done and over”To flashbacks of “I wonder why those dreams took a turnover”In all honesty, I wished for death several times because some periods were so hardThey beat the life out of my body until it became tattered, worn-out, and scarredBut in the end, I am happy for being safeguarded from unknown dangers in betweenMy soul believes and has reached full peace with the hidden wonders of the unseenIt’s time we bid you a bittersweet farewell oh mysterious fateSoon after your hard-fought time, double ease will effectuateسيجعل الله بعد عسر يسرا𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐎𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬

(Note:I’ve attached a beautiful collection of quotes that were sent to me as a means of encouragement and affirmation during the aftermath.These quotes may benefit others so I included them in here with the intention you can perhaps share them onwards with someone and continue the chain of upliftment)