Each year on the 16th of November my mind trails back to the vivid memories of laying in bed one sombre, lonely night.. Tears trickling down my cheeks as pangs of heartbreak coursed through my fatigued state..
When will this misunderstood battle
Stopped being dubbed as questionable?
I typed my frustration furiously to a soulsie as I searched for a way to release the anger, numb the pain, and block out the flashbacks of taunts that were bellowed at me
A form of psychological abuse, commonly undermined, had flipped my state of controlled emotion into a wreck…
I silently wondered.. Wishing the universe would echo my questions into the hush of the night
When….? Will they stop doubting the truth of my words?
Two years later, here I am. Staring on in utter amazement as I witness many of the when’s, transform into nows..
How can I ever doubt the power of An-Noor –
From the depths of darkness and despair he created light
And by means of pain, transfered me to a different height
How can I ever doubt the attentiveness of As-Samee –
Who listened to all my silent pleas
When I buckled in upon my knees
How can I ever doubt the plans of Al-Fattaah –
There are doors he will certainly open
Our minds are not even able to imagine
Recently a god sent Dr mentioned a thought provoking statement as she asked me to relate my entire medical history..
Her statement instilled a sense of exuberance to know that I was heard, believed, & validated by just one medical professional after months..
Midway, Dr states: “I’m stunned. I cannot believe that you’ve been through such an ordeal”
Me in thought: “And at a time unbeknown to me the fruits of all this patience is sure to reveal”
Don’t you agree?!
“Aah! Yes, after hearing everything, I do believe you’ve been placed here for a very good reason. Even if that sounds kinda odd“.. She says while working on these “angry neck muscles” lolll.
All these significant, historical events leading to the blogversary came to reinforce one among many lessons;
Please do not give up everything
Please do not give up this fight
Please do not give up your life
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡-𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐝𝐚𝐰𝐧𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐚𝐲
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐟𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐬
𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭
𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞
𝐒𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧
To list only one personal event: After 19 months of isolation, K’s unbelievably rare crew slowly formed
And as of recent public awareness events –
A whatsapp support group for South Africa was established. At present we are a little group consisting of 13 members
Peers sent in their nominations for 1-2 people to champion the awareness movement, and 2 of us were selected as ambassadors to represent Dysautonomia
I was blessed with an advocate partner who shares astounding similarities with me
We recieved a letter of authorization for funding
Launched the first selling item – Show your care keyring
We initiated the first Dysautonomia quiz!
All these were aspirations deemed as “one day” possibilities
But at the present time they manifested into beautiful realities
After a lengthy period of waiting, many doors were opened & in close proximity to one another….
و الشكر لله
After wondering when & waiting for our efforts to develop into something bigger, we now witness the awareness of dys rarely known disease spread slowly, but surely throughout the province of Gauteng…
It took a lengthy process to inspirit the lesson of holding on & hanging in there..
I know, on some days the most tempting option is to succumb under the pressure, let go, allow everything to slip away, and give it all up..
I know, on some days you’ll question if anything will change..
Withal to the hesitance, no situation is permanent. Everything is temporary.
Although it’s only natural to sometimes wonder if your patience make a difference?
On those days, here’s a little reminder that it takes few drops of water to nurture the soil, whereas it might seem like nothing.
It might seem like your patience is of no use or purpose.
But it’s doing something to the seeds beneath.
Just as we have to give plants time to sprout, grow, and blossom
Give yourself some time while hanging onto faith for dear life..
Apart from a solid support structure which is a vital source for survival. Nothing other than the radiance of this beautiful and complete faith brought me here today…
Lets be totally frank and honest..
God-willing, in the Chronicles of Survival you will read about a night that descended and enveloped me into a woeful darkness…
A night where the paramedic with whom I consult, held his breath in apprehension and prayer that my desire to live will be restored
Because I confessed that I could not see myself awakening, yet again to another morning of being misbelieved and dejected.. Living (at that moment) seemed pointless
But I did it…
I woke up again
The dejection repeated itself thereafter, more times than I could possibly count
Faith extricated me from the brink of attempting suicide
It continously directed my outlook towards the brighter side
So cling onto faith with resolute hope that one day Al-Mujeeb – will respond
A time will come where your prayers and His acceptance will correspond!
As I glance back at 4 years of being chronically ill & 2 years of blogging…
My mind trails back to the pages of an illuminated book, wherein I continously read about their struggles, their torture, their rejection, their perseverance, their reliance, their patience, their supplications, their rewards, & eventually their successful culminations..
Their lives enhearten me with all the hope, life, & strength I need to continue waging this battle…
The lives of the prophets and their successors
(Prophet Ayyub (Job) waited 18 years
Prophet Yusuf (Joseph) waited 13 years
Ptohoet Ya’qub (Jacob) waited 14 years
Prophet Moosa (Moses) waited 40 years
عليهما الصلاة و أفضل التسليمات
Soon! He will answer you!)
But first we have to wait..
Illness is all about waiting…
The wait will break you
But it will also make you
The person you are meant to become
The person who the world needs
And it will procure rewards for which you will be most appreciative. If not in this world, then certainly in the next.
Two years ago, an emotionally abusive appointment, happened against my will. It caused one of the piercing heartbreaks I had to endure…
But it also became a source of endless goodness as it propeled me onto the task of documenting my journey…
And that is how I developed a resolute belief that every occurrence in life comes with purpose.. Be it good or bad..
For, once upon a time, an experience I viewed as a misfortune, later transformed into one of my greatest assets…
On that fateful night the pain came
Accompanied by a clear-cut aim
It always does..
Sometimes we are given the ability to see the aim clearly
Sometimes we are given the ability to see the aim partially
Sometimes the aim cannot be seen
And during that instance, the aim of faith is to have an unwavering sense of belief & trust in the unseen
Sometimes its difficult to build up a sense of hope… I know, because I was crushed to the point where I became afraid of creating any form of hope… I became afraid of having every ounce of hope smashed down to the ground & hitting rock bottom. But magical revivals ignited the flames and devoured previous fears..
Hope found a way of sneaking into veins. It traveled to my heart and made a space to settle therein.. It reminds me from time to time, no period of patience passes by, in vain.
I wrote the following 2 couplets attached below, exactly a year ago while marveling at the soulmates who were sent to me as unexpected blessings after a lengthy period of isolation..
And now at this present time, I am once again gripped by astonishment as I witness the effects of my own words which I’d long forgotten about.
Today’s blogversary is a reminder:
Our creator has promised; the ease we seek will surely arise
In forms that are impossible for us as man to fathom or visualize
So let faith wrap around your heart and just believe
Then become astonished at the bounties you will recieve
Sooner or later…
(Sequel to follow ان شاء الله)