212 ~ The language of hearts ~

The last series of appointments with a specialist, left me humiliated and degraded after the following scenarios ensued:

Dr requests to see images of the bloody fluid. He scrolls through the different colors and types. Then checks specifically to see whether its under my camera or screenshot section of the gallery.

Mmmm.. To gauge if its feigned 💭💭

I know confirmation is necessitated, but the manner of this act already implies hesitance.

He later approaches dad and asks whether he’d seen the blood? When dad nods in approval and confirms verbally, silence follows.

History repeats itself!

After not being able to reach a conclusion, dad is told that I’m psychomatic and should be taken to a psychologist, despite being shown the psychologists report of NO such findings after a thorough assessment conducted in 2017.

No human who hasn’t undergone the same / similar experiences will be able to comprehend the extent of trauma and torment that is inflicted when you know your condition is indeed valid, yet, you’re constantly being shoved away by some (not all), who supposedly practice “healthcare”

This trauma is greatly undermined and takes a lengthy process of overcoming.

Dr, You will not fathom the amount of relief that has flooded in to finally hear sensible explanations that fit my symptoms via the interpretation of previous tests that were ignored. A large weight has been lifted off my shoulders to know a few instinct feelings I had are confirmed and explained in greater detail than expected.

In terms of the spinal curvature, no one had even noticed it begun curving to the side slightly.

I’m extremely appreciative for all the answers and tips that can improve my quality of life even in just the slightest ways.

It extends my hand over the situation in the sense that I can be a little more “ontop” of handling the symptoms better when they intensify.

The waves gently roll over washing away the uncertainty, instilling relief

And satisfaction with these answers regardless of who continues to show disbelief

Another senior Dr who is well aware of my history from the beginning verified the answers provided by Dr Aaishah, was pleased to hear regarding the excercise regimen and dietary measures that have been incorporated in terms of the protein powder etc.

He also offered me an option of doing a trial test with a medication called Sildenafil – which is used to manage Pulmonary Hypertension symptoms by dilating the lung arteries allowing blood to flow through easier. The understanding and offer was greatly appreciated, however, I haven’t made a decision as yet.

Moving forward, I am aware that for whatever misunderstood or biased reasons people have, not everyone will believe the answers of these Dr’s who understand me and even the entire story.

Yes, I am only human with feelings so i cannot deny the pain it further inflicts, but I will not permit those voices to crush the purpose of my existence on earth. Those voices will be drowned with every ability possible.

The wisdom beyond will unveil

And time will tell a new tale

As of present time:

Everyone asks with concern: So where to from here?

My answer being: The future is not for me to fret or fear

We’ve adopted every possible means and doing our very best

So I’m flowing along letting my creators plan manifest

As the nights lift and the days unfold

My life is divinely being controlled

Oh heart! He knows, he hears, he sees; so be at ease,

Never do the oceans of his love and mercy for you cease

So trust the decree and result of a process only you’ve been assigned

Certainly, somewhere ahead, eternal goodness is being destined

Fight on, oh fighter. Through the bone crushing fatigue and strain of it all

Our protecting friend, الولي catches us each time we buckle in to the blows and fall

When my spirit is dismantled and all vigor drains

When the crimson red diminishes from my veins

I remember his most beautiful name القوي – and implore

Faith, strength, and determination only the All-powerful can restore

The arduous journey this heart has to undergo, i cannot resent

For it teaches me the way our time on earth should truly be spent

See, I realised that my illnesses are not an ill-fated life sentence

But a call to celebrate and create the best out of my existence

Hearts beat and stop, not of their own accord

But by the will of its most loving lord

None of his creation know

What’s in store for tomorrow

So continue living your story as each day turns into a different page

Fate will reveal all divine mysteries at a sooner or later stage

Until the end, take care of the heart, for it is the most valuable organ

Our most prized possession and one of great phenomenon…