Instagram followers are aware; recently I done a revised edition with a refreshed perspective over the shattered dreams series – also known as a #amysteriousfate. So while reliving those experiences I thought about few generalized questions I’m often asked and ones that were particularly put across following this entire pattern of events:
“How did you pull through?
How did you overcome the trauma?
How do you gravitate towards the bright side after feeling glum or even when things aren’t very bright from an onlookers point of view?
How did you eventually see and create light from the whole disarray of events?”
In all honesty; apart from support and duaas the power of which cannot be displaced, it was nothing other than the gift of Qur’aan and his 99 beautiful names that helped me heal from the turnover, accept my fate, and then move ahead again while at peace with whatever transpired.
Several posts previously reflected levels of healing that arose mostly from Qur’aan so here I’ll elaborate on the latter being ninety-nine names.
As little minded kids we grew up memorizing and reciting them in parrot fashion with no significant meaning expressed or true appreciation instilled… But after growing through this 5 year process, I can say:
It no longer matters if shattered dreams lead me to an equivocal end because my heart was pulled out of its confined zone towards a greater understanding and attachment of اسماء الله الحسنى. Chapters from then onwards may have reflected this adoration.
It no longer matters if those steep amounts of cash spent on specialized tests made no fruitful headway. For, in return they opened more ways of connection with my creator and ultimately what better?!
Initially the guilt of expense that resulted in nothing ate away at ny conscience and I felt crappy at the thought of why did we have to fork out such an exorbitant fee only to be slammed into another blank wall?!
I expressed the unfavorable state of affairs to those who understood my situation and they reiterated the same in a sympathetic manner, while others met me with facial glances of opposition towards my decision for choosing that route and uttered similar lines but with scornful tones of:
“What a waste of money and time? You got no where in the end besides being told you’re a mental case! You could’ve done such and such things with all that money”
And much more…
Putting me on a higher guilt trip. The worst thing someone can do is ridicule another for the outcome of a decision over which none had control. No one expected the results to turn out the way it did. The Drs themselves didn’t expect to be dumbfounded either. But we also didn’t think they’d turn us away without even considering the need for a Tilt Table Test to be conducted first, despite being told my neurologist requested this test 3 years ago.
We planned, they planned, but beyond everything; Allah planned and he is the best of planners
So while there may have been large amounts of repeated financial loss (not being on medical aid), in reality there was a higher purpose to all of it and the distance between myself and my creator was shortened.
All the lessons weaved from shattered dreams are more valuable than any savings gone. From the build-up of hope prior to the actual appointments and tests, I constantly prayed for goodness to herald in one way or another.
Perhaps the goodness for which I earnestly prayed did not manifest in the form of medical assistance, rather it transformed into a sacred regrowth.
When the doors were rapidly shut onto my face with a deafening thud; in the thick of desperation, while searching for some form of consolation, my eyes fell onto a poignant composition of the attribute الفتاح by Asmaa Hussein @ruqayas.bookshelf
Her sincere words gently wrapped my frigid heart in warmth, melted the ice in my arteries and the profundity behind the following verse swayed my tendinous cords
و لله الأسماء الحسنى فالدعوه بها
“And to Allah belongs the most beautiful names, so invoke him by them”
In this manner I discovered new reasons to go on day after day with no surety of what’s next to betide. His beautiful names always color my skyline and the approach towards life is a derivative thereof.
After relating the above subject matter in order to first explain the phrasing so readers may grasp the choice of words, I present a quotation which contains meaning from many angles:
Note: The term marigold rays was used because these shades are synonymous to sun, warmth, joy, optimism, hope, and feelings of cheerfulness 🧡💛
اسماء الله الحسنى ignites the spirit and boosts our morale similar to the manner in which the winter sun infiltrates shades of marigold rays, thereby warming our bodies on cold winter days and nourishing them with Vitamin D.
After posting the graphic first on my whatsapp status, someone responded with a very beautiful piece which I could not resist passing along:
“In a lecture I heard Mufti Mahmoodul Hasan Gangohi رحمة الله عليه رحمة واسعة advised:
One should learn the 99 names of Allah and when in distress, whichever name resonates with him at that moment – if he makes Dua with that specific one, his Dua will definitely be accepted. So that name of Allah in that situation of his becomes the اسم أعظم for him“
Whatever you seek is not impossible or faraway
٨١ + ١٨ = ٩٩
99 names are carved in those hands, so raise them and pray
World-wide, we see families after families finding the current circumstances very rough
Countless displaced and drowning in a sea of worries because finances aren’t enough
Forget not oh hard-pressed breadwinner; all goodness and bounties lay in his generous hands
Our sustenance descends according to his will, for some he restricts and for others he expands
Despite the gloominess looming over our heads, let’s divert this helplessness towards the skies
With conviction – at some point a merciful response will rain down in the form of required supplies
Far be it for his grandeur to see our begging bowls and turn them away empty
Perhaps his intent is to hear our voices more and bring us to closer proximity
Lastly, a humble appeal: may the privileged who have surplus to contribute
Show compassion and put smiles of relief on the faces of the destitute
و ان الله لهو خير الرازقين