251 ~ Light on the horizon – Part 4 ~

Right now there is one special card I want to dig out and read

Because the message conveyed thereon is precisely what I need

But it gets better. There are people who are on your side. There are people who love and care about you. I know because I’m one of them.

Gifted 6 months ago after my discharge from hospital along with a printed T-shirt: “beauty is found everywhere” and the note below:

Reminders that may appear little but remain precious and remembered particularly on days when going is impeded and we’re overwhelmed by the weight of it all.

Some days are plain hard and no beauty can be painted over right then. Perhaps at a later stage, but for now I release the tears that surround the disbelief regarding conditions deemed “impossible for a young girl to have”

I cannot be ashamed, for these tears shed now allow me to view tomorrow through a clearer lens. A lens that is not blurred and blotched by the reminisce of todays storm.

These tears are the result of a quaked heart and the cracks create space so the light of tomorrow may enter and grant us renewed reason to continue.

These tears help me leave the past where it belongs, whenceforth I can look ahead into a future where a more promising revolution will occur

Uncounted stories are attached to the rivulets that flow from our eyes

These tears sometimes represent the ink of words we cannot verbalise

I cannot guarantee when the light will appear – it may be soon or far

But later on, this experience will be a reminder of the fighter you are

So no matter how circumstances seemed to have turned out ‘wrong

In the coming days, with the passing of time you’ll feel more strong

Yes. Medical trauma leaves a subconscious impression in the brain that creates involuntary flashbacks now and again. It is not a simple matter of “get over”.. Even more so, since each traumatic event is compounded by a similar pattern repeated in continuance.

Today’s scenes will linger on the mind and strain my search for light as long as healing takes its course, but I cannot ruin the gift of tomorrow by only replaying the bad which will remain vivid, but also fade away and become bygone. Let’s dig out files and retrieve the fondest memories while we await my neuros verdict on an unfavorable outcome.

This flight to Cape Town, although necessitated by the senior pulmonologist, is more of a quandary than appears to be…

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