266 ~ A drastic overturn ~

05/02/2021

The days flew by, weeks turned into a month, until late the first Friday evening of February when a drastic overturn made way into my written documentary..

While chatting briefly in short pieces to a close sister with whom I hadn’t spoken for a long time. I’m sharing these specific honest feelings she expressed to remind others – sometimes you might think a person has forgotten about you whereas in reality they might be distant because circumstances make communication difficulties.

F: Just jokes..don’t feel bad!!!
I feel like you forgot me 😝

K: The tongue says what the heart feels 😝😆

F: 🤣🤣🤣🙈🙈🙈
Sorry 😂
Just missing you too much 💔

K: 🤣 The tongue is the gateway of the heart right 😝
It’s a writers fact. Undeniable.

F: 🤣

K: I seriously haven’t spoken to anyone on a one-to-one in a lonnnnnnnnnng time and it’s not personal 🙈

F: I absolutely understand 🤗🤗🤗 you know that

K: Do u 😝

F: I doooooooo 😭

The last I said to her was:

K: We realllllly need to chat!

F: Insha Allah soon 💞💞💞

Additionally I wanted to type the following but the words only floated uncoordinated in my head:

If only I can string a description about how sick I’m feeling. Something major is not right but I can’t pinpoint. Typing right now feels like I’m dragging my arms up a jagged mount where my muscles are being ploughed further.

It’s taking every ounce of energy and concentration to hold a conversation and I’d rather ‘sound just fine’ because I don’t know why my body feels this kind of horrendous deep within every single limb from head to toe.

The previous day I had biokinetics and today I had a Vitamin C immune defence drip so I’m suppose to feel a kick of energy and less pain. Instead I feel downright sicker than my daily level of sick.

I then put the phone down and tried lending mom a voluntary hand in the kitchen but couldn’t hold upright any longer and surrendered to my body by getting into bed thinking an early sleep will do good.

Wishful thinking.

The pain intensified and all traces of sleep disappeared. The bed felt like a torturous device and there was no comfortable position I could find because every muscle, bone, and ligament roared with pain.

I’m accustomed to living in chronic pain. I’ve underwent various procedures without uttering a sound scream which the technicians couldn’t believe. Needles never faze me out. A nerve conduction study is like being electrocuted on different voltages. The Dysautonomia life means you get poked more times than you can possibly count. So when I do vocalize pain, you should know it’s bad.

Well let’s decipher now, what on earth is happening?

Could it be yesterday’s session of exercise that we might have pushed too far beyond limit? Because the previous week I felt similar four days afterwards but this week it has worsened onto an unusual level.

Could it be an adverse reaction to the IV Vitamin C but that doesn’t make sense because it’s the second IV and no reaction resulted the first time so why now?

Could it be a combination of both being done in close proximity to each other?

The guessing game continued until my mind frazzled. I switched on a playlist to drown out the pain that became more and more unbearable.

As the clock ticked I repeated the words a senior mentor once mentioned during the early days of my illness…

This moment shall pass

Sultan Mahmood Gaznawi gave a ring to his servant Ayaz and said:

Engrave such a wording on, that if I see it when I’m happy it’ll make me sad and if I’m sad it’ll make me happy

Ayaz engraved:

“this moment will soon pass”

Fajr time I staggered out of bed barely able to concentrate or focus. Read Salaah & flopped back down hoping to catch a few winks.

No luck.

Eventually I called mom and asked if there was anything else for pain because all the maximum dosages of my chronic pain meds had been taken, yet I felt awful. Awful is an understatement and all this might sound a tad bit dramatic but I kid you not. Only another Dysautonomia person will get it.

Mum gave some capsules but swallowing it with liquids became difficult leaving aside the softest food..

Now what I ask no one particular?

Towards late noon my temperature spiked high and I trembled uncontrollably like a thin leaf on the branch of a tree shaking to and fro in a windstorm. Rigors enclosed me in a fierce hold and family members surrounded me from all sides..

We continued in this manner past midnight before the next fajr approached…