297 ~ Relief after grief ~

19/08/2021 Three days pass by and I go about my everyday routine feeling happier, lighter and very much relieved that I blocked out all opposing opinions and did not rush into surgery. None of the postoperative infusions were set in order so how would the port have worked out favorably?! No sense leaping into operation…

296 ~ Inflow of support ~

Once I muster up courage and feel ready to inform close people regarding the decision as well as those who follow my chronicles on Instagram, I emphasize the point of having to postpone the procedure as no easy decision and request followers to kindly respect since it is a visceral conviction. Whoever wants to chat…

295 ~ Strength and solace ~

16/08/2021 Subconscious thoughts of discussions involving infirmary beds, fluorescent lights and aseptic odors intrude the dreams of a restless three hour sleep and my leaden eyelids slowly open to fajr adhaan resounding via the masjid reciever. As soon as fajr concludes; Dad being the senior guardian calls Dr Tawriq to affirm my decision. Contrary to…

294 ~ Following my intuition ~

15/08/2021 At the break of dawn I awaken to a flashing image that repeatedly makes me see myself on that Tuesday morning slowly walking out of our home towards the car with trepidation, glancing back at a teary-eyed mum and bidding her farewell almost as if to say I don’t know if or in what…

293 ~ Gripped by apprehension ~

14/08/2021 The apprehension in my heart weighs heavier with each prayer of istikharah and my search for an after theater antiseptic observation space becomes futile. “You can’t expect hospitals to oblige to your requests because reverse barrier nursing or a reserved room is probably only suited for patients in the US. Forget about it happening…

292 ~ Meeting the vascular surgeon ~

12/08/2021 10:45 Dr Tawriq walks in to the vascular clinic and takes me in first as per profs referral and our meeting begins with a condensed summary of my history to the point of a need for IV fluids. He listens keenly and asks relative questions pertaining to Gastroparesis. The port is quite easy to…

291 ~ Assurance from Allah ~

While thoughts of the consult replay I prepare my mind for a seemingly fast life changing procedure, an idea flashed of searching for a support group on Facebook whereby I can equip myself ahead of time and learn from other patients internationally. When my membership is approved, I log into the port-a-cath group and the…

290 ~ An important appointment ~

10/08/2021 9:30 AM An early start to an important day with some butterflies fluttering away inside my tummy although less as compared to a first time meeting. Post-appointment nerves are part of every single consult more so since today was scheduled for a consequential decision. As always, I perform two rakaats Salaat-ul-Haajah before leaving home…

287 ~ My Port-A-Cath survey ~

Taking me by total surprise; almost every response came forth in the affirmative towards a Port-A-Cath. The permacath, hickmann and PICC lines are very different, prone to repeated life-threatening infection and are therefore not recommended by all autonomic specialists. Exceptions are made for specific cases as you might see from some of our friends /…

286 ~ Signs from above ~

25/07/2021 The euphoria of having someone attend to my infusions was short-lived and now I could not escape the harsh reality of being ignored and stranded. A deep sigh of defeat Collapsed veins. Blown veins. Overused veins. Fragile veins What’s next in the episode of drip dramas 😂🤭 I chuckle to myself making light out…