I stood still in deep wonder as the morning sun greeted me with its warm golden glow & tugged my mind back to a place in time one year ago when this same body dipped into one of its unpredictable major Gastroparesis flare-ups. Violent vomiting, nil by mouth, hooked to IV fluids & IV medication for five days.
Relief washed over as vigor infused my veins & I bounced out of bed enthusiastic to leap into the world again..
An eagerness that drained out a mere 14 hours after it had seeped into my refreshed soul…
By 4 am I lay on the bed snatched far from the realm of rest & sleep shaking like a limp leaf as pistols of pain shot through every ounce of my being followed by a blazing temperature, decline in blood pressure, rapid pulse rate & a cycle of convulsions.
Concern & worry gripped the minds of loved ones as my body battled yet another life-threatening infection & there was no positive response or difference after the medication was administered. Family members were taken aback as they waited on a change of numbers yet the monitor’s readings remained the same, some like the blazing temperature worsening further.
They took turns & switched shifts to observe my vitals not leaving me unattended as I drifted in & out of consciousness & my skin became ghastly white… A hazy hum of Surah Yaasin, Surah Baqarah, Khatams & Du’aas surrounded my sides…
Calls for coordination of treatment were made back & forth from my intensivist to the pharmacist & paramedics.
Allah knows best, it doesn’t look as if she’s going to make it out of this time
"That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart" - R
The situation became alarming as the convulsions intensified & the effect of intervention became a crucial line. But when a deep-rooted faith is coupled with an unshakable hope in the creator of life & his encompassing power, the heart-shaking prayers of loved ones turned the course of no response into an extraordinary recovery
(Which I was also requested to narrate hence the detailed account here. This one is for you – sister A from the UK & #KsCaringAndCrew)
When I was stabilized & isolated in a small space for approximately four weeks due to the severity of that acute infection, visitors were restricted to seeing me from outside the door, my only connection to people & the outside world was technology, but the heavily dulled sky & ice-cold weather along with being immobile dampened my usual fiery self causing social disconnection. Your messages & stories of motivation kindled the zest once again.
My dear sis,
I know you’ve not been well recently and I’ve been making loads of duaa for you.
You’re so strong and I know you’ll fight whatever comes your way, you always have my love. That’s what I admire about you.
I miss you ever so much, I need you back .. your family need you back and so do the community. You’re so uplifting and motivational. I hope to see a post from you soon, how you battled this also. Remember Allah loves you my dear.
I love you and sending you warm hugs and kisses from here xxx
During this recovery period after being incited by the above message from Sister A, chapter 275 was composed. Reading the background now may serve greater insight into the selected words.
I remember my body becoming numb due to inadequate oxygen perfusion & being irresponsive
I remember my family members having to play the roles of nurses & execute doctors’ advice to bring stability
I remember them going hungry, missing meals, skipping nights of sleep & keeping an eye on my breathing
I remember their resistance when our clock centered around an unending routine of early morning drives to hospitals, continuous appointments & countless procedures
I remember their unconditional support & belief in me through the hardness of it all
Oh, how can one forget their countless selfless sacrifices – day and night from big to small
Now, I fast forward in retrospect to a seven-year survival thinking of the young ones among us who were the same age as myself yet called home earlier while I am still here having spent one additional year alive with people who I didn’t know previously existed, in a change of place no man would’ve predicted
Watching the birds glide through the sky effortlessly, hearing their chirrup chorus to the stridulation of crickets, in awe at the majestic artistry expanding over the horizon seizing one’s senses to the fading blend of sulfur yellow, flame orange & scarlet pink. The grey curtain of crepuscule comes to a close reminding me of the verse:
وَاللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ
And Allah has power over all things
The one who bestowed a double lease of life after death took me in its hold
And accepted my pleas for the future after the hardness of a cyclic trauma untold
The one who pulled me out from the forceful suctioning currents of sorrow
And strengthened my tormented soul to fight on for a brighter tomorrow
The one who fully knows the self-will it takes to survive a system partly unfair
And through his quality of mercy, opened doors of life-changing care
The one whose pristine words fold around me in a comforting embrace
And in every part of this fragile life, I witness his limitless grace
The one for whom two words are all it takes to bring about ease
And in the trueness of these two words, I find the effect of Be & it is
Be and it is
Became the answer and aid to many of my prayers and piercing pains
Indeed, Allah listened and turned the tides of medical troubles into gains
Be and it is
Life changed for a vivacious girl who guarded her heart by building high walls
She couldn’t resist its crumbling when the Almighty willed destiny befalls…
Be and it is
With hardship, he sends ease