98 ~ Discern the signal ~

Even now, your darkest moments are making way for the light to arrive

– Bryant Mcgill

After much deliberation via mutual consultation, the decision was finalized to return to the cardiologist with whom I consulted the first time

As related in chapter


Some had suggested a long while ago, but another Dr whos opinions we respect, shook his head in the negative.

Although he was very helpful during the first consult, I also had a few reasons for being hesitant at this juncture

As will be elaborated onwards in the post.

< 02/10/2018 >

*Walking in to the rooms*

The technician who usually performs an ECG (electrocardiogram) & cardiac stress test prior to the main consult, hears the briefing regarding my condition & prevents me from doing the test, stating there are risks involved in my particular case & she does not want to be held responsible for negligence… perchance something serious may occur in the process.

She will only conduct it if Dr permits I am eligible (& he remained unconcerned so it was dissed)

Understandable with 💯 good reasoning!

Although I reassured her I was up for the challenge because I knew with certainty, putting my heart under strain will show the exact results.

Many a time, a resting ECG can be normal, but under physical stress the actual effects are proved. Therefore, if a test is clear but you’re unconvinced & there is no explanation for your symptoms, always assert your right for the next step of investigation.

My resting ECG’s are abnormal.

To learn more regarding the details of a cardiac stress test, heres a link.


We take a seat in Dr’s room

Dr reads through my 5 page brief 17 month cardiology history, asks a few questions & thereafter states:

“Ok let’s do an echocardiogram & see what we find”

I’ve become a master at deciphering Dr’s codes of language & signs, so when I heard that statement, my instinct immediately sensed the hesitance compared to his confidence during the first experience.

Unlike Dr’s who are able to gauge a potential diagnosis based upon hearing symptoms & merely looking at a patient, before moving onto machine confirmation.

A seperate chapter will also be noted to explain what cannot be seen on echocardiogram & issues an echo can miss as related by a Dr who hated being forced to admit the truth..

Therefore in conjuction with relying on machines, I think it’s quite fair & crucial for Dr’s to apply logic of the brains they’ve been blessed with.

In an Echo room, this is how the machine looks. I had a non invasive procedure. Though, there are different methods of conducting it in accordance to symptoms etc

Thereafter we returned to the consult room to hear the overall verdict!

I mentally braced myself for the jargon

As much as I hoped for help, I learnt to keep my hopes on a neutral level because when they’re dashed, we tumble down with a hard crash.

This dr deduced an age biased conclusion which prevented him from rational thinking & prevented him from providing correct expertise – based on distinct problems – not an individuals age or gender.

Peering down at me from the spectacles on the bridge of his nose, with a stern tone he commands:

“You know, you’re too young to be so debilitated at such an age”

* Who better to know than the one who’s body houses these diseases. By the way, I didn’t ask for age confirmation *

“You’ve got an entire life ahead of you, you gotta bring yourself up & work towards a fit life”

* Says the one who is clueless about the latest cardiac associated conditions *

“You have to wean yourself slowly off the supplemental oxygen”

* How? *

“By working your way back towards a strong resistance with a gymnastic program”

Gazing at him with an incredulous look * I’m certain your signature wrote off daft *

Please don’t understand me wrong

I am fully acquainted with all the lingo about becoming deconditioned & the importance of continuing joint mobility, muscle movements & maintaining a tolerance level…

I do not restrict myself & that is why I often need a reminder to slow down / stop because I tend to push beyond my body’s limits, until the consequences aren’t favorable.

I also set out my own mobility program where I do stretches, movements & little “exercises” with the vent on.

Family members assist me in doing so to prevent fainting, & despite other people performing my work for me, with each stretch out my breathing & cardiac rate increases..

If they surpass a certain limit, immediately blood supply to the main organs such as my brain is reduced & then worst case scenario; cut off altogether resulting in slightly lower level episodes of the one related here


We emphasized my neurologists & others reports to him, but no use.

He failed to comprehend, this deterioration was not brought upon by myself due to my own unwillingness & commitment to keeping fit, rather, due to a malfunction of the electrical system that co-ordinates cardiac function.

Due to dysautonomia affecting the cardiovascular system, thus causing mechanical failure…

So he repeatedly ranted about the solution being gyming, that will eventually improve overall health, even my digestion.

Whilst that is the general case, but not here, no where in history have i heard of a gastroparesis phighters condition being improved or cured due to an increase of bodily resistance via excercise.

Ignorance is harmful & that is why we require Dr’s who continously research & stay up to date with the latest in their field…

It seemed as if he had read the term POTS – Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome for the first time in his life.

I’ve indicated towards POTS being a branch of Dysautonomia often, but in due time, we will head towards the full explanation God willing.

Although POTS stems from the neurological side, the test falls under the cardiology department as was told by my neurologist.

This dr could not opiniate more, conduct the test nor provide a referral to another, as my neurologist had requested a while back.

He could not provide any explanation with regards to the painful attack described in the previous post, did not bother to investigate further whilst noticing something (major) is amiss.

He could not provide any help with regards to pulmonary Edema & Respiratory Distress Syndrome, although these are placed under the category of pulmonology, it is intertwined with cardiology.

(Past posts have to be read to understand Pulmonary Edema & RDS)

All he could do, was dictate about where I should be in life right now – due to my age

* As if I selected this path *

His main summary is I am supposedly blame worthy of the entire downfall

Reiterated in the report as follows:

“She should not be disabled”

“She should not require oxygen”

“-She- has progressively disabled herself to this stage”

Although, I very well know, it is not the case! Hearing these insults from people who should be a means of assistance, adds fuel to an already raging fire, i try my utmost best to manage

The peak of disheartenment.

Usually I am not afraid to question, but due to my speaking disability (which he once again frowned upon) I depend on another to advocate on my behalf.

On that particular day, dad knew it was useless to challenge, so we threw in the towel, walked out knackered & shattered.

Having been with me to 28+ lost count failed appointments is no easy task & the vigor to resolve these challenges of ignorance slacks in between.

The only part confirmed; throughout the course of the consultation, my resting heart rate was continously rapid.

Just to clarify… Many thought what occurred in the previous post was a “tachycardia episode”

I don’t have tachycardia episodes.

I have a constant tachycardia that is elevated with any type of movement & worsens according to the level of exertion.

On this particular day, flowing in whichever direction the gusty winds blew… my resting heart rate fluctuated from 120 – 125 above, nothing lower.

He then also prescribed a beta blocker – that is a specific med to lower the heart rate “until I train up to a level where the heart strengthens & stabilizes on its own”

A report trashed in the bin, enraged.

(This medicine calls for another discussion)

Two new cardiac issues were also detected on the ECG but he provided no explanation…

Deep down, I knew those lines were not only tachycardia

The next day, a helpful Dr then elaborated regarding the results. Be sure not to miss out on that upcoming chapter!!! God willing.

After the interrogation was completed, I stepped out wrapped in disappointment

Now time to kill the demons.

Whilst my creator helped me accept this was a destined outcome of divine plans beyond my knowledge

It does not broaden the scope for contemptible conclusions

Leaving aside symptom management & treatment, this always proved an arduous surf

Despite a weakened resort & the wish to be drowned in the current, I allowed myself to feel the anger of being blamed for a situation out of my control

Then began a process to discern the signal

What does my lord require from me now? Other than patience….

6 thoughts on “98 ~ Discern the signal ~

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